鈴木工どうしたと。
さる金曜夜、あの大物ミュージシャンが一体何年ぶりになるのだろうか、ブラウン管に戻ってきた。何故おまえはそれについて触れない、鈴木工どうしたと。
待っていただきたい。私が思春期に身を焦がしたあの人物の復活劇を見逃すはずがないではないか。というわけで以下、そのレポをしたためる。番組は勿論『アリゾナの魔法』。ゲストは藤井フミヤ御大だ！
え？ 『NEWS23』に岡村靖幸が出ていた？ 全くの初耳です。
この日の企画は「居合に興味を持つ藤井フミヤがサムライになる！」。もうタイトル聞いただけで青い鼻血が吹き出そうなほどシビれるテーマだ。
わざわざ武道館を貸しきって、番組出演陣全員が時代劇の衣装に。ホストの山口智充が無骨な侍風情なのに対して、髪の毛を束ねたフミヤ巨匠の凛々しい姿はどう見ても吉本興業の若手時代劇コントトリオ・うがじんの弟子である。
まずは番組に軽い味付けをするため、高さ３ｍはある巨大和太鼓を乱れ打ちするフミヤ巨星。ここでチャンネルをつけた人は「フミヤってやっぱり小さいのね」と納得するくらいに画（え）としてジャストフィット！
さて肝心の居合はというと、殺陣師の先生が登場して懇切丁寧な指導が始まる。しかし練習を受けても伸び悩むフミヤ宝物。それを見かねた先生が「敵を高杢と思え」とアドバイスした途端、急激に上達するのだからなんともたまらない。
そんなサムライ擬似本番が終わると、番組は歌コーナーに。『木漏れ日の風に吹かれ』というコバルト文庫さながらの素敵ソングを熱唱するフミヤ日本の誇りを見れば、白いジャケットの背中に描かれた文字が”JUSTICE FOR ALL”。
JUSTICE FOR ALLって！
JUSTICE FOR ALLって！
ジャジャジャジャジャジャジャジャジャJUSTICE FOR ALLってててててててててててて！（CDにトラブル発生）
そうしてこの日も私は「フミヤ世界遺産の出る番組とタクシー運転手が小声で囁くエロ話には外れ無し」の思いを強くしたのだった。
結論。番組の次回予告で一瞬流れた、生海老を頬張る飯島直子。顔のアップが放送に耐えられないほどエロすぎる。来週は標準で録画しなければばばばばばばばばばば。
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